What Not To Do

TLC's 4 Weddings is a glorious combination of ridiculousness, over-the-top weddings, and catty brides.  I'm using the marathon to do bridal research and so far, it's come to a rather lengthy list of what I don't want.  

Update: I shared this list with B.  His thoughts are italicized. 

Cute moments:

I enjoy the sweet moments between the newlyweds where they gush about each other and the "yay we're married" moments.  One particular groom seized the moment to drop a few "that's what she said" comments when his blushing bride was commenting on the day.  She just laughed, kissed him, and went right on talking.  

I enjoy the heartfelt vows.  B and I are writing our own (and I need to make sure he remembers agreeing to this.)  Some made people laugh and some were tear inducing...both of which are my goals.  I've got two lines of ours written...so good progress.
He claims he doesn't remember this.

I think it's cute when the couple is clearly enjoying their day.  Sometimes the groom sneaks a butt grab in during the first dance and I can see that goober I'm marrying doing the same (sorry mom!)
He giggled and said he'd probably do that.

MOH speech that included playing the "OMG I'm engaged it was beautiful call me asap it's like a movie ahhh!! love you bye"  voice mail from the bride.  


Things that I want (that I hadn't thought about before this epic marathon):

• A sizable dance floor.
• Smores?! I don't know if this is possible and I'm sure I'd spill on myself, but I want smores now.  

Things we'll be skipping:

• Strange fruit sculptures.
• A beach scavenger hunt to collect trash. (I wish I was kidding)
• A mechanical bull at the reception.  Bachelorette party? Sure.  Reception? Mmm...no. "Oh hell no" is all I got for this one.
• A bag piper to greet guests. He thinks this is a lovely idea.
• A "wild game" carving station.  
• Squid balls. 
• Themed ushers.
• Tattoos at the reception. (That can't be a good idea.)
• College mascots. (Sorry Sparky and Hey Reb!)
• Wild animals at the reception.  (There were lemurs, elephants, skunks, tigers, etc)  I understand having a reception in an aquarium, but your wedding should not be confused with a petting zoo.
• A moose (or any animal) ice sculpture.  I'm not big on the ice sculpture situation in the desert to begin with.  He wants a swan ice sculpture.  We shall see.
• An instagram/twitter/4square check in interactive wall.  I don't really want people on Facebook during the wedding.  Taking pictures? Absolutely. Dancing? Yes. Taking silly selfies? Yes please.  Upload the pictures later and enjoy yourself in the moment. 
• Peacock feathers.  I don't know why feathers are a trend. 
• A grand entrance...on a yacht.  Or a Cirque du Soleli entrance. Or in a boat. Or with dry ice and a spinning wall. Or on a float in a parade.  Or in a Russian Egg that descends from the ceiling. Or a horse drawn carriage.
• A themed officiant.  Mar, you aren't wearing a captain outfit...sorry love. 
• Lighting a unity...volcano.  Yes, baking soda & vinegar to cause a chemical reaction...in a white expensive dress.This idea he is completely on board with.