I'm well knowledgeable, approachable and a team player. I like learning from others and this job seemed to perfectly blend my interests. It'd be a lateral move, give me an opportunity to have a wider impact on student achievement and provide a new challenge.
I went to the informational meeting. I spent hours on my application and had several fellow educators, including my principal, dissect my resume. A current coach and writing instructor provided extremely helpful feedback on my essays. I submitted my application early, feeling confident that I'd get the position and get to choose which performance zone I'd work in.
I didn't even qualify for an interview.
I received that gut-wrenching email today and spent a majority of my prep period crying. This was my plan, everything was going to be perfect. I'd be an awesome coach and make such a positive difference at my school sites. I'd be just like last year's coaches, from whom I learned so much and who continue to be such amazing mentors. But, that's not how life works. The vision in my head did not come true and my plans didn't work out the way I expected.
My grade level is amazingly supportive and dropped everything they had to do to comfort me and talk about next steps. Considering our report cards are due on Monday and we have several dozen comments to write, this is huge and speaks to the amazingness of the women I'm blessed to work with.
I called the number that was provided if we had questions (which I did) and was simply told my essays didn't make the cut score on the rubric. This part truly baffled me. I could understand not being a strong candidate due to my lack of experience in primary grades or only having five years of classroom experience. But my essays, which were thoroughly proofread and thoughtful, honest and borderline inspiring? Not what I expected to be my downfall.
I don't think I was told the entire story, but that's alright. I'm not wanting to be involved in political shenanigans anyway.
After long conversations with my loved ones and my principal, I'm at peace with this, at least momentarily. I'm sure I'll be upset about it for a few more days, but it will come in waves. It wasn't meant to be.
After talking about what coaching might entail, I'm not that person. I would not be okay being in another educator's classroom, seeing a mistake being made and not being able to correct it. A teacher friend (and current coach) expressed her frustration at seeing a teacher incorrectly model decimals and tell a student that 9/100 and 0.9 were both the same correct answer.
Spoiler: 9/100 and 0.9 aren't the same amount.
She tried to ask a clarifying question to humbly point out his mathematical error, but was chastised for this. He brushed off her comment to save face in front of his class and as a result, his students have the wrong understanding of math. I would, quite frankly, have a hard time keeping my mouth shut if I was in the same situation. What happened was simply not okay.
I wouldn't be acting out of rudeness. I'd be acting in the students' best interests. It's not fair to that class to have an incorrect understanding of mathematical concepts. But apparently how I should handle the situation, as a coach, is to privately leave a note or address it with administration so that the math could be clarified and retaught correctly at a later date.
That's not how I'd roll. For that reason (and many others), I'm glad I didn't get the coaching position. Perhaps I'll try again in the future with a different department, but being a performance zone instructional coach wasn't a good fit. I'd get in too much trouble for trying to do the right thing.
So instead I started thinking about what I would like to do as an educator. I started thinking about all the different paths I could take and what truly makes me happy. I had long conversations with a friend, with my mom and with my principal, all leading to the same answer:
A librarian.
Small group reading is truly my favorite part of the day. Watching kids fall in love with books and get so excited about their characters warms my heart. Seeing my students so enthusiastic about their research projects this week has been wonderful. If I could talk with kids about books all day long, well...that'd simply be perfect.
So that's my new long-term career plan. I'm not sure what I'll do next year. Perhaps I'll try a new grade level (second?). Perhaps I'll stay in fifth. Perhaps there will be an opening for a digital coach or a literacy specialist. Maybe I can be hired as a librarian and given a provisional year to take the necessary course work. I'm not quite sure what the future holds, but I'm glad I didn't get what I thought I wanted. It wouldn't have worked out well.
I can't see all the pieces yet, but I know the universe is unfolding exactly as it should.
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